Canada Released Safe Sex Guidelines for the Coronavirus, and You Won’t Believe What They Recomend

Canada Released Safe Sex Guidelines for the Coronavirus, and You Won’t Believe What They Recomend

People are bugging out over the ‘rona and the shutdown it caused. Some people are worried about making a living and being able to reopen their businesses. Parents are concerned about whether or not their kids will be allowed to go back to school and how long the teachers’ unions will be holding everyone hostage (see LA TEACHERS UNION WILL ONLY REOPEN SCHOOLS IF WE … ELIMINATE CHARTER SCHOOLS AND DEFUND THE POLICE and TEXAS WANTS TO REOPEN SCHOOLS AND TEACHERS CLAIM THEY ARE NOW ‘WRITING OUT THEIR WILLS’). And then there are people who just want to get their freaky-deaky on. If you live in Canada you’re in luck, but only with the last. The British Columbia Centre for Disease Control has released guidelines on the safest way make sex. It involves a wall, a hole, a lack of self respect, and taking your chances with what’s on the other side.

Glory holes could be the key to having safe sex during the coronavirus pandemic … at least according to Canada’s top health experts.

The Canadian CDC breaks it down like this … if you’re gonna have sex during the pandemic, it’s a helluva lot safer to “use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes), that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.”

Yes, they actually used to the phrase “glory holes” on a government guideline.

Here’s an idea. Ready? If you’re not in an intimate relationship, why don’t you just not have sex? Either that, or try a cold shower. I don’t even mean this as a prudey, Jesusy thing. Having an intimate partner implies trust, like the trust that they haven’t recklessly stood less than six feet from someone without a mask. But if you’re concerned enough about catching the ‘rona that you are checking with the CDC before you go out to look for someone to sex you down, maybe that’s a sign you should stay home and anal-retentively wash your hands while singing the chorus to Bryan Adams’ “The Summer of ’69.”

Just a suggestion.

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