A point to expand upon a later date is how privileged and soft some people’s lives are when the gender of Santa Claus is an area of concern. If you believe Santa Claus, a jolly fat guy who somehow escapes the ravages of diabetes year after year, is in any way a problem, you’re the problem. We’re talking about a fictional man in a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer who fly all around the world in one night. We’re talking about a geriatric who magically squeezes his mass down a chimney, shooting out like toothpaste in the hands of your toddler. All to deliver presents to girls and boys who’ve been nice, not naughty. According to a survey of both Americans and Britons, Santa’s gender has got to change with the times. That’s because God shot a rainbow across the sky, promising to never again flood the earth. So here we are.
GraphicSprings , a logo creation company, polled 400 people from the US and UK about potential ways to modernise Santa, using the top suggestions to poll a further 4,000 people on how they envision him.
In total over one quarter (27 per cent) of respondents reckon he should be rebranded as female or gender neutral, according to 6 ABC .
Over on social media the results of the survey have had mixed reactions, with some claiming the idea is “ridiculous”, while others don’t understand the point in arguing over a made up character.
Exactly. Santa is as real as half of the other problems fiddled over by leftists who “can’t even.” Thank goodness some sanity prevailed here. The whole problem is once a leftist idea is floated, other leftists who haven’t real cares or concerns in the world, glob onto the idea like plaque clogging Santa’s arteries were he a real dude and not a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
Oh fine, for you people screaming about Saint Nicholas being a real dude who had a crotch stocking hung with care; yes, Santa is based on an actual person. A person whose leg betwixt candy cane, when in the presence of a lovely lady, arose such a clatter.
For the most part, though, Santa is a fellow with a tummy like jello we see four to five weeks out of the year, sitting in the mall, taking present requests from children. Who’re told the rest of the year not to talk or touch strangers. The obvious exception being the velvet-adorned fat guy inviting you to sit on his lap. We also find Santa on cards, pictures, signs, as dolls for our home decor, Hallmark movies, Tim Allen, ran over by a reindeer, and if people are feeling classy, as inflatable polyester abominations on front lawns and/or roofs across America. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.
But most of all, Santa just makes people happy, just the way he is, whatever form he takes, as a solid brass stocking hook, or a blowup yard monument. The only people who want to change Santa are, in my professional opinion, miserable grinches who mistook pinecones for toilet paper. Put some peppermint ointment on it and go roast your chestnuts.
Some advice: if you think Santa is a problem, go scrooge yourselves. Christmas is a time for us to be merry and bright. So take your social justice misery and choke on some coal.
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Author: Courtney Kirchoff