Mon. Nov 18th, 2019

NYU Publishes Paper Claiming Milking Cows is Sexual Abuse

3 min read

Milking Cows

Exhibit Q on how the left is increasingly impossible to parody. I think I wrote a sketch once about how milking cows is literally rape culture. Yet here were are discussing the *checks notes* sexual exploitation of dairy cows, courtesy of New York University. How milk is rape culture is a theory which should be surprising to no one who’s paid any attention to the state of our sick culture (see WATCH: NYU Hosted a 200th Birthday Party for Karl Marx and NYU Professor LOSES HER MIND When NYPD Protects Gavin McInnes).

The following is from the Gender Studies Department. So if you, like me, first thought the cows were the ones taking the class, no. The paper is actually about the delicious four-legged cows who provide us with short ribs, brisket, and ice cream. From Campus Reform:

Titled “Readying the Rape Rack: Feminism and the Exploitation of Non-Human Reproductive Systems,” the published piece aims at discussing the “sexual exploitation of non-human bodies, specifically dairy cows.” The author notes that “as a vegan and animal rights activist,” she feels compelled to reveal the “feminist aspects of animal agriculture,” a topic she says is unfortunately “under-researched,” but is nonetheless important because “the same way women’s health has been at stake for years, a dairy cow’s reproductive system has been poked and prodded.”

According to the publication, “the dairy industry is a host for sex-based discrimination,” and a “site where sexual assault and objectification based on biological makeup are highly prevalent but ignored as we choose to neglect non- humans with whom we share a planet.”

Allow me a rebuttal. Cows make milk. Milk makes cheese. Cheese is f***ing delicious. Therefore, your argument is invalid. Thank you. Goodnight. Please try the veal.

Yes, I’ll concede that animals sourced for food aren’t treated like the American media treats the British Royal Family despite America fighting two wars to ensure we never worshiped the British Royal Family. The animals we source for food are animals we source for food. By design, they’re not going to be propped up like some basic bitch’s hand dog whom she takes everywhere. Is it fair? No. Do you like ice cream?

How about we refrain from equating dairy cows to human ladies in any kind of serious medium. Large-scale women bovine insults notwithstanding, women are not cows, women are in no way treated like cows. Despite how some newly lactating mothers may feel when their screaming infant noms their nipples. But that’s babies. They want the booby leche. Healthcare doesn’t treat women like ice cream trucks. Stop it.

Fourth thing. Yes, true, the dairy industry is a host for sex-based discrimination against lady moo cows. Because lady moo-cows make the milk. Try to keep up. But things kind of even out in the beef industry. Lady cows in the beef industry tend to have a better shot than their male privileged counterparts, who often wind up on your plate. Hashtag delicious.

Exit question. On a scale of 1 to duh, how likely is the writer of this paper one who believes college should be free? And that taxpayers should bail her out of her student loans?

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Author: Brodigan & Kirchoff