Mon. Aug 19th, 2019

Ohio State University Wants the Word “THE” Trademarked

2 min read

You do you, boo. The phrase is supposed to be light-hearted, given as an “adda girl” to people making their own life choices. Not to be taken seriously when an entity like Ohio State University wants to trademark the article “THE” for their own branding purposes. But this is 2019, where men can be women, women can sleep with fish, and children can consent to Jeffrey Epstein’s advances.

From NBC News:

For years, the university’s demand that it be called “THE Ohio State University” has rankled sports fans and journalists, who’ve called it “pompous and stupid,” “ridiculous” and “arrogant.”

Sure, because it is pompous and arrogant. But having fun with this is none other than the University of Michigan, who’s joked about trademarking the word “of.”

Well played. Well. Played.

Okay obviously Ohio State University is being stupid. Maybe “stupid” is the wrong word. Ohio State University is being a self-important jackass like the tool who was the subject of Carly Simon’s song “You’re So Vain.” It’s a classic.

You cannot trademark a word everyone uses every day just because you’re high on your own sense of self-importance. Unless Ohio State is gender identifying as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, then maybe. I don’t care how well your football team plays. “The” is not up for trademark anymore than “your mom” is. Though she did tell me how great I was just last night.

If Ohio succeeds in trademarking “THE” it’s over. Officially. We can all just quit and wait for the sweet meteor of death.

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Author: Courtney Kirchoff