Thu. Nov 21st, 2019

Top 10 Hilarious Reactions to Jeffrey Epstein ‘Suicide’ News

4 min read

Jeffrey Epstein “committed suicide” over the weekend. My first reaction to the news was probably your first reaction to the news. “Suicide” is in quotation marks for all the reasons you discussed over the weekend, likely with plenty of gifs, memes, and casual references to Hillary Clinton which weren’t so casual after all. While there were plenty of hot takes and jokes to be had at the sex pervert’s untimely demise, none reached the level of clever as these ten. So let’s gather as one to console ourselves in the wake of the famous child-prostitute connoisseur’s tragic end.

To get us warmed up, let’s first go to the Notorious Tumbler Merchant who had plenty of asbestos to spread with this party-pooping wet blanket infested with cancer:

Thanks, Ben. We’ll be sure to invite you to our next party where we all sit around and stare at each other, using our eyebrow gestures in lieu of jokes. We’ll stock up on marshmallows and beer. You bring your dictionary.

Now let’s have fun celebrating. Oh, for you people saying “It’s always a tragedy when someone dies/is suicided, how dare you laugh at this!” go away. Epstein was a disgusting, twisted, evil pervert. I shed no tears and make no apologies for mocking his death. Self-inflicted or inflicted upon himself by “others.”

Starting from the bottom and working our way to the top (that’s what she said):

TEN: Suicide note, totally written by Jeffery, totally

Seems totally legit. No one questions this.

NINE & EIGHT: Michael Knowles ignores Ben Shapiro’s eyebrows, responds to “Jeffrey R Epstein”

Oh to be a somebody with another famous somebody’s name. I feel for you. But I feel most for you good people sharing a moniker with bad people, who have to look over your shoulders for mustached killers.

SEVEN: Parody account of New York Times hits the right chord. A chord not used to strangle a snitch.

The smug bitch face really sells the theory Hillary is a cold-hearted killer. If not a killer, then just cold-hearted.

SIX: Babylon Bee floats a theory. Don’t fact-check it, Snopes.

Reminder to Snopes: it’s a PARODY SITE. Get it? It’s totally a joke. Not real. Not even close to real. Stop.

FIVE: Doing what he loved… pleasing Bill Clinton

Ouch.

FOUR: RedSteeze with the Body Count meme

Stop it, Stephen. Hillary wouldn’t harm a fly. But she would harm whomever the fly lands on.

THREE: Hug the pedos in your life PSA

Use your little girl voice when you do it. Wear pigtails.

TWO: John McAffee NAILS IT

No one was as surprised that Jeff would off himself more than Jeff.

ONE: ‘Seinfeld’ Episode

This one is pure gold. Dare you not to hear this in the character’s voices.

Did I miss any? Leave your favorites in the comments!

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Author: Courtney Kirchoff